Tuesday, 19 February 2013

The Blood Donor (II)

“Good evening Convener – you’re working late tonight - I was just about to lock up.”
“Oh hello Nigel!  I’m just getting ready for my Civic Duties down at the Town Hall”

“Civic Duties Convener?”

“Yes, I’m off to the Blood Donors Award Ceremony, so I’m just giving my chain a bit of a polish before I go”

“Ah yes Blood Donors, a most worthwhile and commendable sacrifice.  Are you making many awards?”

“Yes ndeed!.  There are 34 people getting awards for giving almost 2,000 pints of blood!  So I was hoping I would pick up a few tips”.

“Tips about giving blood?”

“No, no, Nigel.  It’s tips about the budget that I’m needing.  I’m totally fed up trying to get enough money out of the Government to pay all of our bills – and any chance of putting up the Council Tax has flown straight out of the window because we’re simply not allowed to do that without severe penalties.  So – I thought I’d turn to the experts.”

“Well I am sure that the Blood Transfusion Service is very prudent in its financial management, but I don’t know how they can help you in your dealings with the Government.”

“Well, I thought that they’d be just the chaps to tell me how to get blood out of a stone!  And whilst they’re about it they could, perhaps, come down to the Council Chambers on Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s about 11 o’clock.  I somehow think that there are quite a few Councillors who would be prepared to volunteer to give blood about that time.”

“At 11 O’clock Convener?  Why on earth would they volunteer at 11 O’clock?”

“Well, it’s all these cuts you see.  The other week we put a moratorium on tea and biscuits for Councillors - so at 11 o’clock, when we used to have a cuppa, the best we can manage now is a glass o’ water.  So there’s a fair chance that, if the blood transfusion van came down, the Councillors would volunteer just to get a cup o tea and a Jammie Dodger.”

Convener, you can’t go giving blood every week for the sake of a custard cream or a bourbon.  That’s not the spirit at all – and I trust that you’ve been a regular donor yourself?

“Ahhh…. well, there’s the rub.  There’s a little bit of a problem there.  You see – for a long time I was prevented from giving blood on account of a medical condition.”
“And what condition was that?
“I was scared!  I just couldn’t look at a needle without feeling faint. Even my granny darning socks set me off.  I think it was all Tony Hancock’s fault.  He was always going on about a pint of blood being a whole armful – and I didn’t realise that he was only joking!  But don’t you go telling everyone – because it’s one of my darker secrets and I’m probably too old now to change.”
“But Convener – you’re supposed to set an example.  If you don’t practice what you preach you’ll be accused of being a hypocrite.”
“A hippo what?”
“A hypocrite – someone who says one thing but does another.”
“Don’t you dare mention Politicians!”
“I wouldn’t dream of it Convener and your secret’s safe with me….provided…..”
“Provided what?”
“Provided you mend the error of your ways and at the very least make enquiries tonight as to whether you’re suitable as a blood donor”
“Or else?”
“Or else there may be a leak of confidential information concerning the Convener’s blood donor history”
“How big a leak?”
“Oh – about a pint I imagine”
“Oh touché Nigel – I’ll do it – I’ll do it!!”
“Well, I’ll hold you to your word Convener”
It’s never too late.  You can start giving blood anytime up to your 66th birthday so for more details about how you can mend the error of your ways visit the Scottish Blood Transfusion Service on:-

No comments:

Post a Comment