Friday, 30 November 2012


Chortle, Chortle
“Good morning Convener”
Chortle, Chortle
“Is there something about my appearance that’s amusing you Convener?”
“No, no – it’s not you Nigel.  Mind you, that’s not to say that you don’t look funny as well.”
“So what’s funny on this occasion Convener?”
“Well, I’ve just come down from the council chambers and this Movember lot are just a picture!”
Movember, Convener?”
“Yes, you know, a bunch of Councillors have been growing’ moustaches all through November.  They’re doing it to support some men’s health initiative - oh but they look a right motley crew now!”
“Yes, I have seen some rather hirsute upper lips in the Chambers in recent weeks.”
“Hirsute?  It’s like a rogue’s gallery up there.  There’s one of them looks like Groucho Marx another one looks like Fu Manchu.  Then there’s Farmer Giles and a fair impression of Adolf Hitler.  I’d a real job telling who was who.”
“Well I suppose it must be difficult on occasions recognising them in their new guise”
“That’s the point.  You know, down in Westminster, when the Speaker invites an MP to address Parliament, he says, “The Chair recognises the Right Honourable Member” Well I felt like saying - I don’t recognise any of you lot.  And the Chief Executive told me that I would be out of order to say - ‘All right Fu Manchu, what have you got to say’.”
“Yes Convener, but it is for a very good cause.”
“Oh I know that!  Far too many macho blokes are ignoring their health and not taking responsibility for looking after themselves.  So - maybe having’ a shufty at that lot will be just the shock they need to bring them to their senses.”
“Quite so Convener, but I notice that you haven’t joined them in their tonsorial celebration.”
“Tonsorial?  I had my tonsils out when I was a child.  What’s that got to do with it?”
“No Convener, in this context tonsorial means hair grooming.”
“Well, I’m not growing another moustache.  I had the last one for damned near forty years – and that was long enough.”
“So why did you remove it Convener?”
“Well, I grew it when I was a young bobby.  I thought it made me look older, and that it added to my gravitas.  You see – you need a bit a gravitas -  when you’re dealing with hardened criminals!”
“Hardened criminals Convener?  I thought you were a country bobby”.
“That’s right, I was.  I was the scourge of Banff and Buchan.  Any time there were dogs attacking livestock?  I was your man!”
“Oh, I understand Convener -sheep worrying
“Oh all the time, they were just on the edge of their seats - fretting!”
“So Convener, if you grew the moustache to make you look older, why did you shave it off?”.
“Nigel - get a grip.  Take a good look at my phizog.  Do you really think I need anything nowadays to make me look older?”
“Point taken Convener.”
“No, I’ll not be growing another moustache - but I will be lending’ the lads my moral support, and perhaps putting a bit of cash into their collection.”
“Collection Convener?”
“Oh yes!  They’re raising money for men’s health charities with this lark and anybody that wants to give a donation can go onto the Interweb thingy and pledge their support.  And just for us Councillors - there’s a small collection box next door.  In fact, I think I’ll just pop through and put something in to it right now.  For I’m well known as a generous contributor!”
“Quite so Convener”
“Wait a moment though……….. you wouldn’t have change of 50pence on you by any chance?”
“Oh Convener !”
There’s still time to contribute to the Team Moray’s Movember efforts and help raise awareness of men’s health issues.  All donations will go to men’s health charities – in particular testicular and prostate cancers.
Follow this link to donate –

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